Our latest Guest Blogger eloquently shares her experience of anorexia through her poetry.
The A word
A word that holds so much pain and discomfort.
A word that has defined me for the past 11 years and
I have never said the word out loud.
I can never be okay or accepting of it,
That it is almost real.
I have always been ashamed that it is my diagnosis,
The illness I have that clouds over me,
Unable to see or think clearly.
Constantly trying to hide from it,
This secret about me that I am
I am scared to say that word,
For it to be in the open
When it has been locked inside of me
In this cage.
What will people think of me?
Will they treat me differently?
11 years and I have never said that word
Like it is forbidden.
It doesn’t define me,
I am still Mollie.
It is an illness that I couldn’t control.
I didn’t choose to have it.
It is a part of my story,
It has made me stronger in many ways.
I don’t want to have that chill up my spine every time i say it.
I am the person i am today.
I am growing
That you shouldn’t feel the need to hide parts of you,
Hiding mental illness.
Hiding your struggles.
In fear of others reaction
Or society in general?
The vulnerability and exposure?
I have hidden for too long,
I have been scared for too long.
I have built this hard shell around me
That needs to break
And now it is time to
Be true to Myself,
To feel strong,
Brave and be proud of the things I have overcome.
It is okay to say the word
It is okay to talk.
It is not a weakness.
I am learning to look at it differently,
I will get there.