​Our latest Guest Blogger eloquently shares her experience of anorexia through her poetry.

 The A word

Anorexia. 

A word that holds so much pain and discomfort. 

A word that has defined me for the past 11 years and 

I have never said the word out loud.

I can never be okay or accepting of it,

That it is almost real.

I have always been ashamed that it is my diagnosis,

The illness I have that clouds over me, 

Unable to see or think clearly.

Constantly trying to hide from it, 

Cover up, 

Keep quiet 

This secret about me that I am 

Burying. 

I am scared to say that word,

For it to be in the open

When it has been locked inside of me

In this cage.

The Judgment?

Embarrassment?

Shame?

Fear.

What will people think of me?

Will they treat me differently?

11 years and I have never said that word

Like it is forbidden.

But why?

It doesn’t define me, 

I am still Mollie.

It is an illness that I couldn’t control. 

I didn’t choose to have it.

It is a part of my story, 

It has made me stronger in many ways. 

I don’t want to have that chill up my spine every time i say it.

I am the person i am today.

I am growing 

and learning 

That you shouldn’t feel the need to hide parts of you, 

Hiding mental illness.

Hiding your struggles.

Feeling alone.

In fear of others reaction 

Or society in general?

The vulnerability and exposure?

I have hidden for too long, 

I have been scared for too long.

I have built this hard shell around me 

That needs to break

And now it is time to

Open up. 

Be true to Myself, 

To feel strong, 

Connected, 

Honest.

Brave and be proud of the things I have overcome.

It is okay to say the word

It is okay to talk.

It is not a weakness.

I am learning to look at it differently,

I will get there.

blonde woman leaning against a wall in her bedroom

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